Mayhem and Madness
by dark abaddon
Summary: Malfoy likes Harry, the problem is...Harry hates him , will love prevail? And by the way Harry turned into a ---- you'll just have to find out!
1. Default Chapter

Chapter 1  
  
It was another boring day at Hogwarts, the weather had been clear and the bustle of students relaxing outdoors filled the air.  
  
Harry Potter and Ron Weasley were sitting groggily inside the North tower hearing, but not really listening to the hysterical ranting of Professor Trelawney. With the usual heavily perfumed atmosphere surrounding them, the two were trying their best to keep their eyes open.  
  
"Still awake Harry?" Ron asked giving out numerous yawns after every word.  
  
"Yeah, But this is definitely better than having potions."  
  
"Same with me mate.it's real hard to keep your eyes open in a place like this, I mean-."  
  
Harry stared incredibly at the redhead who had just fallen asleep in the middle of his sentence.  
  
"Better not wake him anymore, he'll just doze off again anyways." Harry thought to himself, averting his gaze to the lecturing professor.  
  
Twenty minutes went by when Professor Trelawney finally noticed the increasingly loud snores of Ron beside Harry, who was nodding off to sleep himself.  
  
"RON WEASLEY AND HARRY POTTER!!" she called out in her high-pitched voice.  
  
The two jumped up and rubbed their eyes amidst the giggling in the room.  
  
"You two ought to be ashamed! Sleeping in Divinition, and even drooling in your sleep!"  
  
Ron consciously rubbed the drool off his face with his robe, as the giggles grew louder.  
  
"That's it! You two have been sleeping in my class far too many times, three parchments explaining your dreams while you were sleeping here, complete with interpretations, hand it to me tomorrow!" At this, Professor Trelawney dismissed the class, giving Harry no time to complain.  
  
Harry, followed by Ron, stomped out of the room.  
  
"That's not fair! I haven't even slept yet!" Harry mumbled cursing under his breath.  
  
"That's not the worst part, three parchments! Can you imagine that?! Three parchments!"  
  
"What's going on?" Hermione peeked curiously at the fuming pair.  
  
"Divinition.sleep.Trelawney.punishment" Harry mumbled furiously.  
  
"AND THREE PARCHMENTS!!! THREE PARCHMENTS, I TELL YOU, THIS IS UNFAIR!!! OUTRAGIOUS!!!"  
  
"Well, you deserve it, you've been sleeping in class for about twenty times now. Though, I must admit, she is kind of boring." Hermione said matter-of- factly.  
  
"She's not just kind of boring, she is boring!" Harry said with exaggerated sarcasm.  
  
"No time worrying about that, we still have another class to go through." Hermione chimed.  
  
"By the way, what is our next class?" Ron turned to Harry.  
  
".Potions!" Harry groaned as Hermione and Ron followed suit.  
  
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So did you like it or was it boring? Can't say much right now, R&R! Though. ^_^. Comments are very much appreciated. - D.A. 


	2. Disaster in the Dungeons

Chapter 2  
  
The three friends entered the dungeons and took their seats as the Potions Master's cloak swept through the room.  
  
Snape stood impatiently before the deadly quiet class. "Today is February 2."  
  
Hushed murmurs of "So(s)??" and "No duh(s)?!" echoed throughout the dungeons.  
  
The professor glared cruelly at them before continuing. "Valentines Day is drawing near."  
  
More "So(s)??" and "No duh(s)?!" could be heard.  
  
"-So Professor Flitwick has made a special request that love potions be taught before the day itself takes place." He finished with expressed boredom.  
  
"Follow the instructions on the board and bring your potion to me when you're through so you can receive your appropriate grade." Snape waved his wand and instructions appeared on the board just as various ingredients popped out of nowhere on the tables. Harry started putting ingredients inside his cauldron.  
  
"Let's see, rosewood, beetle eyes." Harry started a fire and soon enough, he brewed his bubbling potion.  
  
Snape strode around the dungeon with his trademark maliciousness, but it seemed that he had an ass-load of it today.  
  
"Harry, he's coming towards you." Ron whispered.  
  
Sure enough, Snape was nearing Harry's designated location.  
  
Harry sighed and waited for whatever insult or sarcastic remarks he was sure to receive from the greasy man.  
  
"Well, well, well, Potter." Snape said with much maliciousness. "It seems that your so called "potion" may be having a few inappropriate ingredients."  
  
Harry focused on the scratches of his scratch-less cauldron.  
  
"I can't see why you can't concoct an incredibly easy potion, Potter."  
  
"."  
  
"Is it because of your puny brain? Or is this weakness hereditary?"  
  
If "detention", "punishment" and "expel" weren't implemented; Harry could've hurled the contents of his cauldron at Snape's greasy face (and hair).  
  
"Do you happen to see beetle eyes on the board, or do I have to fix your glasses for you to see better? You wouldn't want the recipient of your concoction to sprout beetle eyes now would you?"  
  
"."  
  
Being satisfied with his degrading comments, Snape strode to another table, hoping to find another fault he could remark about.  
  
"How dare he make fun of my perfectly made potion???!" Harry thought.  
  
Being so mad, he put in every ingredient in sight inside his cauldron.  
  
"Harry, no! Something could happen!" Hermione warned.  
  
"I don't care!" Harry grumbled, stuffing in another handful of rosewood. "For once I have to agree with her mate, you could have an extra assignment for that! Snape would've loved to give you additional homework!" Ron said worriedly.  
  
Harry paid no heed until he had put in every ingredient on the table. He looked at his potion, which was bubbling violently.  
  
There was a creak and his cauldron cracked a little, spewing his potion across the tables.  
  
"What the hell??" Harry jumped back.  
  
Hermione and Ron's jaws dropped.  
  
The students were shrieking and running in panic.  
  
If there had been no floor, I swear Hermione and Ron's jaws might have reached the more dangerous dungeons down below.  
  
"Everybody get out!!" Snape barked, running hurriedly from the dungeons himself.  
  
It could be heard that Snape was screaming girlishly throughout the hall, but Harry didn't mind, he was staring open-mouthed at the disaster he had created.  
  
"Harry! Let's go!!!" Hermione said tugging his arm and running off without him because of panic.  
  
Harry was still staring blankly at his potion, eyes wide as saucers and unable to move, whereas everybody had already fled.  
  
When he finally snapped out his trance, the potion had already exploded, covering every inch of his body and blacking him out.  
  
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Harry woke up on the bed of the hospital wing and tried to recall what had happened.  
  
Clutching his throbbing head, he remembered the mayhem he had caused and the potion exploding.  
  
"Something's wrong." He thought. "But what?"  
  
He straightened his hair with his right hand only to find that his hair had grown long, smooth and silky; completely different from his unruly one.  
  
"Something is definitely wrong!" He scampered towards the nearest mirror and gave a high-pitched scream.  
  
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As usual, comments are welcome, R&R. Oh yeah, I forgot the disclaimer (Ooooooops) I'll just write one on the next chapter. What happened to Harry? Just click the little button on the lower right hand corner of the screen to find out. (Think I haven't posted it yet though, will do it A.S.A.P.) 


	3. The new Harry

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. (Simple enough, but I finally did it ^_^)  
  
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Chapter 3  
  
A curvy facsimile of himself looked back at him. Though he still looked like the Harry before, he (or she??) now had more evident feminine features.  
  
Harry was gaping stupidly at his reflection when Hermione and Ron burst into the room.  
  
"Harry! What happened?! We heard you scream and-" Hermione was cut off by Harry's new appearance.  
  
"Harry are you okay? You almost look like, like." Ron said eyeing Harry like he had just sprouted a new head. ".Like a girl."  
  
"I know!" Harry said mournfully, sinking down on his bed.  
  
"Must be the potion's effect." Mumbled Ron.  
  
"You should be happy. This is like a free sex change! Most of the gay population would be dreaming of this!" Hermione said hoping to lighten up the whole situation.  
  
"I'm NOT gay! And I'm certainly NOT happy about this." Harry snapped. (D.A.: Well are you really?? *Cackle* *cackle*)  
  
"Well, since no one was able to finish the potion, and the dungeon is in a pretty bad shape, Snape figured that he'd make the love potion as an assignment." Ron sighed. "I made mine a while ago and tried it on Scabbers."  
  
Harry tried not to laugh at the rat, which was clinging desperately on Ron's sweater, giving the Weasley its "kisses".  
  
"Visit time's over, we should be heading for our next class." Said Hermione as she headed for the door.  
  
"Wait for me!" Harry scrambled out from bed.  
  
Hermione eyed him wearily. "Harry, you aren't well enough to be attending class! It'll only cause you trouble!"  
  
"Rather than receiving loads of homework because of my absence." Harry replied nonchalantly.  
  
Hermione thought for a second. "Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to attend class a little earlier."  
  
A grin burst from Harry's face.  
  
".But you'll have to change to a witch's robe first."  
  
The grin instantly faded.  
  
"What??!" Harry bellowed.  
  
"You are a girl aren't you? Then it should make sense wearing what girls are supposed to wear." Hermione replied flatly.  
  
Harry clenched his teeth. "I'm not a girl, I just turned into one!"  
  
"What do you call yourself then?" replied Hermione, raising an eyebrow challengingly.  
  
Harry looked at himself and hung his head in defeat. "A girl."  
  
"Well then, you can start changing now Harry." Ron chimed a little hopefully.  
  
Hermione gave him a death glare and shoved him outside, all the while muttering about perverts.  
  
"Harry, I thought we were good chums!" Ron shouted through the door, disappointment etched in his face.  
  
Hermione stuck her tongue at the door. "You go ahead of us, we'll catch up later!" she shouted back.  
  
"Now where were we?"  
  
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Thanks for all who reviewed!! ^_^ And for the people who got it right, congratulations!!! He did turn out to be a girl and it was a little obvious ^_^". Oh yeah, and I actually thought about your suggestion JulyFlame, it did look really good in the ending, maybe I'd put it up that way. But then  
will it be a yuri? Yaoi? Kinda confusing if you ask me. Please r&r ^_^  
Comments and suggestions are again always welcome. 


	4. Harry's manliness

Disclaimer: blah, blah, blah the usual. (just too lazy to write one now)  
  
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Chapter 4  
  
"Ughh!! This is so uncomfortable!" Harry whined. "What is this itchy stuck- up thing under my robe anyway?!"  
  
"They're called lace panties Harry." Hermione replied flatly. "Even your underwear was so drenched with potion that Madam Pomfrey HAD and I mean REALLY HAD to let you borrow one of hers."  
  
"That's it! I'm doomed!" Harry buried his face in his hands. "I'd rather wear yours than Madam Pomfrey's."  
  
Hermione gave him a death glare.  
  
"Kidding." He replied quickly.  
  
The two strode off in silence when Harry made a swift turn towards the bathrooms, reached for the doorknob and stopped abruptly.  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"What if "he" isn't there?"  
  
Hermione faced the ceiling in thought. ".So?"  
  
"I mean, I don't think I feel "him" anymore.and "he" sorta represents my manhood."  
  
"You aren't a "man", "male" or "boy anymore Harry, you're a "girl". Hermione emphasized the last word clearly. "Now get in there and do your thing!"  
  
Harry gulped and asked again. "What if "he" isn't there?"  
  
"You'll never know if "he" is in there or not if you don't get in there and find out so that we can go to potions class without getting late and get on with our lives!!" Hermione almost screamed at him before he went hurriedly inside.  
  
Once inside an empty stall, Harry took a deep breath. "Here goes."  
  
-Zip.  
  
*Rummage rummage*  
  
"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!!!!"  
  
Harry appeared outside the toilet after a minute. "I'm right, "he's" gone."  
  
"Figures the scream." Hermione muttered. "Now let's GO!"  
  
"What class are we heading to anyway?" Harry asked.  
  
"Potions with Slytherin."  
  
Harry's jaw dropped. "What!? I just had potions a while ago and we're even having it with the Slytherins?! This is crazy! Absurd!!"  
  
"In case you haven't noticed, you had slept for a whole day in the Hospital Wing." Hermione replied dryly.  
  
"Oh." *Silence*  
  
"You know what? It's kinda strange having to sit down while you take a piss."  
  
"You'll get used to it." A gruff voice answered.  
  
*More silence*  
  
"I told Madam Pomfrey to keep your gender switch a secret, not even the teachers know."  
  
Harry stared incredibly at Hermione, then smiled at her.  
  
"Then no one knows?"  
  
Hermione shrugged. "Well, aside from you, me, Madam Pomfrey and Ron, the secret is perfectly safe.  
  
"Good news can surely lighten a heavy load." Harry thought as he smiled inwardly to himself. ".And though Hermione usually bugs me to hell, she does care."  
  
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Was it good? Do you think I should change the rating? Can't say much again, I still have an ass-load of homework to do. So again, thanks a lot for all those who reviewed ^_^ , comments and suggestions are welcome too, and for  
the next chapter, what do you think happens when a certain blond gets  
flirtatious? 


	5. Malfoy gets flirtatious

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter ^_^ (R&R ^_^.please?) I think I'll mention the reviewers and thank them on the next chapter, I don't have time to do this right now~.~ Please correct my grammar, I think I made quite a  
lot of mistakes here.  
  
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Chapter 5  
  
"Correction." Harry thought. "Hermione does care but she still bugs me to hell."  
  
Hermione had been hammering him with the assignments he had just missed for the past 20 minutes.  
  
"Well, here we are." Hermione halted in front of the out of order girl's bathroom.  
  
"Of all places?! Why does it have to be in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom?" Harry whined.  
  
Hermione arched an eyebrow. "No other rooms are available, you caused this in the first place dumb-ass."  
  
Harry just shrugged it off and walked inside the toilet with Hermione.  
  
Everybody stared at the newcomers.  
  
"Late again I see, Miss Granger and er-." Snape gestured towards the "new" student.  
  
Harry fumbled the tip of his robes and sweated profusely, thinking of a suitable name, when an idea popped into his mind. "Hehehe payback time." Harry thought mischievously, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Hermione Weasley." He (or she) said quite confidently.  
  
The crowd was shocked, Hermione's jaw dropped as Ron's ears turned pink.  
  
"I-I'm new here." He (she) said  
  
"So(s)??" and "No duh(s)?!" echoed throughout the spacious bathroom.  
  
"And from what house might you be from?" Snape asked mockingly.  
  
"Ah.uh.I-I." Harry stammered.  
  
"Slytherin." A high-pitched voice, resembling a shriek came out of nowhere.  
  
Presuming it was Ron from whom the prank probably came from, he shot a glare towards his direction.  
  
Ron just stared back with innocent eyes, making Harry curse under his breath.  
  
"Take your toilet-bowl then." Snape gestured to where the Slytherin corner was. (D.A.: Since they're in the bathroom, might as well make use of the toilets there, it's called resourcefulness ^_^)  
  
Catcalls and wolf whistles directed towards him were made as he strode towards the Slytherins, making him flush in both anger and embarrassment.  
  
Harry sat down on the only unoccupied venue.beside Malfoy.  
  
"Wow, a Weasley in Slytherin, and not even a redhead." Malfoy whispered to Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
The two sniggered quietly.  
  
Harry's blood boiled at the (not really) humorous comment of his arch- nemesis. "I am certainly not a Weasley, but simply using the name because I was adopted by one." Harry was surprised at his own outburst. (D.A.: He's not really good at lying here ^.^")  
  
"Ah, my deepest apology for insulting you, you're first name though, just like that mudbloo-I mean Granger is exceptionally sweet." Malfoy said.  
  
Harry snorted in disgust when Malfoy wasn't looking.  
  
"She's hot!" Harry caught what Malfoy was saying to Crabbe and Goyle and wanted to puke at that very moment.  
  
While Snape was lecturing about wolf's bane and its compositions, Malfoy put his hand on Harry's and wiggled an eyebrow at him.  
  
Harry quickly jerked his hand away from his grasp and started concentrating really hard on Snape's boring sermons.  
  
Seconds later, Malfoy winked at him (her).  
  
Harry pretended not to notice.  
  
Twenty minutes passed and Harry was still ignoring Malfoy who was now blowing kisses with much exaggeration.  
  
Harry sighed exasperatedly at Malfoy's revolting show of affection and his extremely pathetic and futile attempts to catch his (her) attention. "What a fuckingly stupid way of flirting." Harry thought irritably.  
  
Harry endured thirty more minutes of Malfoy's flirting session and quickly scampered out as soon as he heard the bell. (D.A.: Do they even have bells?? I don't really know.)  
  
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Thanks to all the reviewers ^_^ you all rock!! Does Malfoy seem OOC here? Don't worry, Harry seems to hate him here but they will develop a "special relationship" towards the ending. Okay, there's swearing already so I've changed the rating (did I?), and I seriously think I should stick with she when I'm writing about Harry, it gets too confusing at times, after all,  
SHE is a girl here right? Oh yeah, before I forget, my friend blue-rage  
requested me to advertise her fanfiction, so here goes: ATTENTION TO  
EVERYONE WHO ARE INTO HORROR, PLEASE, (I'm serious) PLEASE READ HER FANFICTION: THE GHOST OF VALENTINE'S DAY IN THE GOOSEBUMPS CATEGORY. SHE  
NEEDS REVIEWS, A LOT OF THEM. Good enough, (Is this called an  
advertisement?) ^_^ *shrugs* Anyways, who else wants to advertise their  
fanfic? I'd be happy to help ^,^ 


	6. The password

Disclaimer: I don't own, don't sue, just review!!  
  
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Chapter 6  
  
Later that night, Harry met up with Ron and Hermione in front of the fat lady's portrait.  
  
"So.are we gonna sleep or not?" Harry gestured towards the fat lady who was sleeping in a pink nightdress.  
  
Hermione sighed exasperatedly. "Harry, you don't have the password for the Slytherin common room."  
  
"Then where do I sleep?"  
  
"Don't ask me? You caused this anyway, YOU were the one who messed up that potion, YOU were the one who told Snape that you were from Slytherin, and YOU were the one who told Snape that your name was Hermione Weasley, which for your information made me so mad that I wanted to tear your head apart!!!"  
  
"Count me in." Ron growled.  
  
"Excuse me??! YOU were the ones who told Snape that I was from Slytherin!" Harry pointed his finger accusingly at Ron and Hermione, "The name I *ingeniously* invented was just a payback!!"  
  
Hermione and Ron gaped at him in shock. "We didn't say anything like that." Ron squeaked. ".Honest."  
  
"THEN WHO THE HELL DID????!!!!!!!"  
  
The fat lady's eyes fluttered open and she snorted irritably to get their attention.  
  
Three heads snapped simultaneously at her direction.  
  
"What? Are you going to give me a password or do I have to wait till midnight? Waking me up with your yells is already a nuisance." The fat lady was glaring at the threesome through thick eye bags.  
  
"Weasley is our King." Hermione said gruffly as the portrait swung open.  
  
Ron didn't even flinch.  
  
Hermione strode haughtily past Harry with Ron tailing behind her.  
  
Harry debated with himself for a while and muttered curses under  
his breath before calling out to his friends. "RON, HERMIONE, WAIT!!!"  
  
Both halted and turned to face him crossly.  
  
"I just wanted to say.sorry, I really thought you were the ones  
who told Snape that I came from Slytherin."  
  
His friends' expressions softened. "It's okay Harry, we'll just  
see you in the morning." Hermione said. "And I'll help you find who the culprit was." Ron added.  
  
Hermione yawned loudly. "But right now we really need some  
sleep." The pair continued climbing the stairs and the portrait slammed in front of Harry, missing his nose by just a millimeter.  
  
"Thank heavens it's over, now give me the password and get this over with, I still need my beauty sleep you know? Damn these wretched students, don't I deserve some sleep too? And tomorrow they'll be bursting outta here and then coming back only to forget their passwords! The nerve!! That's why I'm not losing weight, you people keep barging in when I'm asleep, laminating these eye bags in my face and-"  
  
"SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH AND JUST BRING ME TO THE BLOODY COMMON ROOM!"  
  
The Fat Lady raised a brow and sighed. "Alright, password  
accepted."  
  
"That was the password?"  
  
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My thanks to blue-rage, Alexei Noire, The Key 98.3, sharade, gaia-moore (sorry if I'm that mean to Harry ^_^), ChickbabeC, kneh13, Lizzie14, Miss Lesley, Fallen angel named Alan and JulyFlame (yes I am serious, I liked your suggestion and it makes the ending a lot nicer) for reviewing, ^_^ It  
makes me happy!! Can passwords be that long? *shrugs* Anyway I'll stick  
with the MalfoyXHarry pairing okay? 


	7. Rita's news article

Disclaimer: I don't own. (It gets shorter every time ^,^) Sorry 10000x for not updating sooner, got grounded tghen when I wasn't anymore, the darn computer got busted. So here I am using my friend's computer. Thanx a lot blue-rage!!!  
  
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Chapter 7  
  
It was the day after the fat lady incident, the Great Hall was once again filled with the noise of witches and wizards having breakfast. And Harry, despite the difference in house, was seated beside Ron next to Hermione.  
  
Harry was in an exceptionally good mood today. Not only had he, Ron and Hermione been in good terms this morning, he had also eaten extra treacle tarts, what could be better?  
  
Harry was on his twelfth tart when flocks of owls burst from the windows. Hermione got her usual copy of the daily prophet, Ron got none (big surprise), Malfoy got more sweets and galleons (bigger surprise), he received a chocolate frog and Hedwig's droppings dropped on Ron's head instead of his.  
  
Harry was grinning from ear to ear. Bad luck wasn't on his side today  
he mused happily.  
  
"What's with you?" Ron grumbled irritably as he brushed the poo off  
his hair.  
  
Hermione, this time, paid no heed to them, she went on drinking her  
pumpkin juice while scanning the paper. The moment she turned to see the front-page, her eyes bulged from their sockets and pumpkin juice flew to the face of Parvati Patil, who sat across her.  
  
Hermione's eyes roved from left to right over and over in dizzying speed and finally she stood on her full height and screamed at the top of her lungs.  
  
Parvati, who was coated in pumpkin remnants and some of Hermione's saliva was too surprise to glare, she instead, snatched the paper from Hermione.  
  
Her eyes too, bulged from their sockets after reading the article.  
  
This time, the whole Gryffindor, Slytherin, Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw were at the peak of their curiosity.  
  
Malfoy grabbed the nearest copy of the paper, Goyle's, and read the article so loudly that it could be heard until the teachers' table.  
  
They could've sworn it was a howler.  
  
"STUDENTS MARRIED AT FIFTEEN," the title read. "Granger turns Weasley headlines. Can Hermione Granger possibly have married a Weasley? There have been reports in Hogwarts the day before, that a Hermione Weasley exists. This supposed Hermione Weasley, started to exist yesterday, attending Potions class with her supposed sweetheart, (See snapshot) and probably had a secret marriage the day before—."  
  
Hermione grabbed the horrid thing before Draco could continue, howled and tore the paper into microscopic pieces like a wild animal.  
  
"Stop staring you lot, and mind your own business!!!" Hermione snapped before marching back to her seat.  
  
The other students' heads jerked back to their food but their ears were straining to listen.  
  
"What was that about?" Ron asked.  
  
"Nothing," she snapped. "Just some stupid article that bitch Rita Skeeter wrote."  
  
The entire population in the Great Hall turned silent in shock. The same thought passed through all of their heads—Hermione was capable of swearing?!!  
  
Hermione turned to glare at the oblivious Harry. "Apparently SOMEBODY had made use of the name Hermione Weasley during potions class that Rita just happened to hear. Bitch probably deliberately twisted the story to get back on me—I mean there must be at least more that one Hermione in Hogwarts! Why did I have to be ME?!!"  
  
"Seriously?" Ron said while stuffing a roll into his mouth.  
  
Hermione thrust her very crumpled copy of the Daily Prophet to his face. There lay a picture of Ron taken in an angle that showed him walking really, really close to Hermione.  
  
Ron spat the roll on Parvati who had just rid herself of pumpkin juice and sputtered.  
  
Hermione rose her voice by a decibel for almost all to hear. "What do you have to say for yourself Harr—."  
  
By the time they turned to Harry's seat, he was already long gone.  
  
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The same old saying: Read and Review ^,^ PLEASE! Thanks to all the reviewers of the previous chapter! I really appreciate it! Oh yeah, and thanks to those who put me in their favorites lists!!! You have no idea how happy that made me!!! I hope you understood this chapter, and hope you like it. One last thing, I'll only be posting the next chapter if I get more than six reviews, yes, I hope you understand, it takes a lot of effort to go to my friend's house (It's far, and I mean really, really far) just to use her computer. ~,~ (She's the only one who'll let me borrow) 


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